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Teisho October 7 (1992)
by Harada Tangen Roshi, Bukkoku-Ji
You don't appreciate what you've got until it's gone. You only start to miss somebody after they are gone. When I was in the 7th grade in middle school, our principal, who was leaving for retirement in Kyushu, addressed the entire school to say farewell. His name was Ganji, and he was a very austere looking person. I can just see him now saying this: "You don't appreciate what you've got until it's gone. You only start to miss somebody after they are gone." He was such an old sober sight, he was so grim that we thought he did not care a thing about us, and we felt him always distant. In fact, we detested the man. He definitely was not appreciated while he was there.
But there was a place that we couldn't reach. In truth there is no such place, there is nothing nowhere, which is out of reach. But there always seemed to be a place or something that we could not see. But in truth, again, there is no place which is not seen. Every time, every place, the dharma sees in all directions. There was just some connection we could not make with the man. But, really, there is no possibility of not connecting. Isn't it all just exactly you yourself?
All of this, you are just so close, too close to see it. Too close to grasp it. Try to grasp the right hand with the right hand. And you say, "Nah, I can't do it, it's impossible." I can grab anything else with my hand but the hand with the hand. It's too close to reach. We are all in this situation.
Today is the 7th day of sesshin. Already. Even as I talk to you, this and that, this and that, there is this place where your tantei does not wander, does not weaken. Just tantei, again tantei, again tantei. Life does tantei. Really, life is tantei. Tantei is life. This oneness doing is life. That's why when you steadily stay with it, tantei comes to do tantei. There is no separation, no being outside this one doing. Tantei is your true self. And how can the true self be outside the true self?
The base of it all, the bottom line we can call it, is always inherent perfection. Yes, that's how it is. What you are looking for is already yours. Now and here. It's only that our cosmic connection with knowing this is not close, and so you feel that, you think that you feel that what you seek, the good, is off someplace far, far away. So you fidget and struggle looking off, occupying your mind with this and that. Spending your days feeling dissatisfied, feeling like something is missing. This is so common. And then other times sometimes when you do feel settled, you might just take a nap. But you are here, practicing this practice.
Throwing yourself wholly into this one doing, this oneness doing. This oneness doing is joy, pure joy.
Burning brightly, enjoy. Just tantei, tantei, tantei. Lively, vivid - this. Clear, precise. You can practice this way. Original essential life is perfect. Bodhidharma reveals this clearly. The treasure mountain is you. Everyone, it's you. Each and everyone of you is the master of the treasure mountain.
From the beginning was beginning, always and forever, the treasure is yours. Flying just a tad above this Earth, which is up until now perceived as a completely separate finite entity, flying through space, the space of essential life, the astronaut looks down upon this hard running Earth and he appreciates with longing the beauty and the intimacy. The warmth of this life which is Earth. Look around you, now. Right now, where you are, just look around. Isn't it all bright and nurturing?
But I am not aware of this, not paying attention to this. We create walls and distances, ditches, by doing this. Making up ourselves into solid clumps of unhappiness. This is very human. But who says it has to be this way? Suddenly, up in space, just away, it all looks different. Take yourself even farther, farther and farther, try to take yourself some place far away, that you think is far removed. You start to feel longing. You think you are far away, so you feel this longing. And you just can't help it but practice. But really, at the base, no matter how far removed, how alienated, you feel you are not removed a bit. From the beginning, there is no distance.
You've been here in the dojo for one week now, at sesshin. What have you been practicing? What have you been doing? Fall down, get up. Even when you fall down, you get up. You fall down, you get up. Seven times down, eight times up. That's what you've been doing. The number seven symbolizes infinity, or numberless times. No matter how many times you fall down, seven times, it's over and over and over, you are eight times up. Eight symbolizes good fortune. Opening, always open wider and wider before you. It's alright. Everything is just alright. Eight times up, it is alright you know, really. You don't stay down and rot. You don't fall down into the black dark only just to keep falling and falling. The problem is only, only that you are looking off.
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